How our mothers’ love affects us

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Orange – Sacral Chakra – Water element – Feeling –

Relationships, sexuality, creativity, origins.

Describe your positive and negative aspects of your relationship with your mother? Grandmothers? Aunties? Sisters?

While shuffling, this card flipped out on its own, so rather than inserting it back into the deck, I sat it aside and reflected.

Ultimately this question is about your relationship with the women in your life. The question identifies specific family members because they form our early close relationships and how those relationships form your early perceptions of women based on their behaviour, attitudes and values.

Many people have had a less than positive childhood, the reproductive strategy theory suggests that a stressful childhood and insecure relationships with parents results in behaviour problems, early puberty and “precocious sexuality,” whereas a supportive and connected childhood rears a more balanced child and therefore adult. [1] Other studies done on the relationship between parents and children show that attachment in childhood to one or both parents show our psychological well-being, self-esteem and life satisfaction directly correlates to our quality of attachment to parents. That is, if adolescents feel securely attached to the parents, they feel better about themselves and can cope with life better.[2]

Whether we like it or not, the women in our lives give us insights into the behaviours we come to expect from all women. Those early experiences shape our perspective of women. This question is for both men and women and affect our worldview and possibly who we are, women we attract into our life, who we become (for women) and how we parent and the fingerprint we leave on our children.

Further questions to reflect on for this card include:

How solid was my relationship with the female relatives in my life in the past? How solid is it now?

How am I nurturing those relationships today?

Do I continue to play out these qualities of my attachment to my mother/grandmother/aunties/sisters?

How often do I reflect on how I am today due to those relationships?

How did my relationship with them form who I am today and how I approach them, and furthermore, all women?

A further study assessed qualities of relationships in childhood and confirmed that parents followed by grandparents “were turned to most often for affection, enhancement of worth, a sense of reliable aid and instrumental aid.”[3] In our global community, so many of us are disconnected as adults from our mothers, grandmothers, aunties and sisters due to distance. We feel that absence. Our families are no longer multi-generational, but fragmented and scattered across the globe. I have lived away from my family of birth now for six years and I feel the distance keenly. There’s no doubt that they drive me nuts sometimes, but family is family. Ultimately, they love us and how they show it may not always be what we are accustomed to.

Similarly, this card points to our role as a mother, grandmother, auntie or sister (if a woman) or how women in our lives reflect those early influences (for men).

I encourage you to leave your answers below and we will hold space for you and offer a space of healing.

In love,

Alyssa @Chakra Cards

©Alyssa Curtayne, 2017

[1] Belsky, J., Steinberg, L. and Draper, P. (1991), Childhood Experience, Interpersonal Development, and Reproductive Strategy: An Evolutionary Theory of Socialization. Child Development, 62: 647–670. doi:10.1111/j.1467-8624.1991.tb01558.x
[2] Armsden, G.C. & Greenberg, M.T. J Youth Adolescence (1987) 16: 427. doi:10.1007/BF02202939
[3] Furman, Wyndol; Buhrmester, Duane, (Nov.1985), Children’s perceptions of the personal relationships in their social networks. Developmental Psychology, Vol 21(6), 1016-1024.http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/0012-1649.21.6.1016

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