When other people’s opinions matter…

indigo blog 1 25may17

Indigo – Ajna – Spirit – Intuition – Inner vision –

Bindu chakra – spiritual vision – connecting to the wisdom of the cosmos.

Do other people’s opinions about you matter to you? Why?

Ultimately this question is about whether you value other people’s opinions and how much influence they have on your own decision making and sense of self-worth.

This question is very weighted towards your sense of self. Because it’s asking about other people’s opinions about you. We are complex beings who really just want to be loved for who we are. When people judge or criticise us and we haven’t got a positive sense of self, then we are vulnerable. People can be persuasive and when we hear an opinion often enough, we start to believe it, regardless of the message. Of course, not all opinions are negative.

A study by Yaniv in 2004 found that people value their own opinions more than someone elses, but they also found that if they were knowledgeable about the topic, they would take their own advice and discount others. [1]  This means, that the more we have confidence in our knowledge about something, the more we would trust ourselves to make our own decisions. But what if someone is giving us unsolicited advice or their opinions about things like parenting, our intimate relationships and even or appearance? Surely, we know ourselves better than someone outside us?

It is normal to seek advice when making decisions but sometimes people’s opinions are unwarranted and unnecessary to our development. We know ourselves best, that’s why we made the Chakra Cards, to help people find their own power within. But sometimes asking opinions is helpful.

Should we listen to these opinions or discount them? According to Yaniv, when making decisions, “integrating even a few opinions is beneficial,”[2] but not at the expense of our privacy, or values. So then how do we stop unsolicited opinions and do we want to? One of the best ways to stop this is to speak honestly to people, “Thank you so much for your advice, I’ll take it into consideration” is a non-confrontational response. Not only are you validating the person whose opinion it is, but you are taking on-board their views. How you use their opinion it is entirely your choice but rather than turning it into conflict, you’ve both walked away being honest to your truth.

Further questions to reflect on for this card include:

Do what others say to and about you have any weighting on your life?

Do you remember the first time that you ignored other people’s opinions about you and your life and did it anyway? How did it work out?

When is accepting other people’s opinions okay? When is it okay to ignore them?

When have you allowed other people’s opinions to sway you? What was the outcome?

Are you in a situation now where other people’s opinions are influencing your behaviour, your thoughts or life?

Other people’s opinions can give us some sense of self of where we are in the world but it’s up to us to decide what values we take on of others that do not belong to us. It’s about taking responsibility for what is ours and what lifts us up and letting go of things that really don’t matter.

I encourage you to leave your answers to the questions below and we will hold space for you and offer a space of healing.

In love,

Alyssa @Chakra Cards

©Alyssa Curtayne, 2017

[1] Ilan Yaniv, (2004), Receiving other people’s advice: Influence and benefit, Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, Volume 93, Issue 1, January 2004, Pages 1–13, Department of Psychology, Hebrew University of Jerusalem https://doi.org/10.1016/j.obhdp.2003.08.002
[2] Ilan Yaniv (2016), The Benefit of Additional Opinions, Current Directions in Psychological Science, Vol 13, Issue 2, pp. 75 – 78, First published date: June-23-2016, 10.1111/j.0963-7214.2004.00278.x

 

 

 

 

 

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