Yoni gazing; learning to love your pussy

orange blog 2 1june17

Orange – Sacral Chakra – Water element – Feeling –

Relationships, sexuality, creativity, origins.

When you look at a vagina, what do you feel or think? Grab a mirror and gaze lovingly at it or gaze lovingly at a partners’.

While shuffling, this card flipped out on its own, and I immediately thought, ‘I can’t publish that on my website’, but then I realised how important this conversation is. It’s called lots of things: pussy, yoni, cunt, vajayjay, cock sock, hump hole, lovebox, fanny, poonanie and some of the more unusual; vertical bacon sandwich, bearded clam and fish sandwich but for the purposes of this blog, we will be using the anatomical term vagina to describe the vagina, labia and clitoris.

Ultimately this question is about body acceptance and loving the vessel that we are in, or if the card is selected for a man, loving the feminine. In the tantric tradition, it is called Yoni Gazing and is an amazing technique to build connection between partners. But this card could also be about sex and our experiences of sex and even for a gay man, this card is significant in how he may see the vagina. There’s an awesome video on YouTube about just that here. There’s something quite fun and innocent about exploring our bodies and just enjoying them for what they are. We have lost our innocence in exploration and curiosity, and are exposed to social expectations of what a vagina should look like based on fashion trends such as hair removal and photoshopped pornographic norms.

According to the latest research there has been an increase of 109% of labiaplasty (read more about it here)  in the UK alone.[1] This reflects a wider trend towards cosmetic surgery in western societies. From a very young age we are exposed to overt sexuality and there are two forms of women who choose to have a labiaplasty; those who have functional issues and those who want their vaginas changed for cosmetic reasons. However, according to the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology, surgeons themselves have ethical concerns about performing labiaplasties on normally anatomical women.[2] When we look at the psychological motivations for cosmetic labiaplasty, for the people who wanted the surgery, there was “increased dissatisfaction” about their genital appearance, “lower sexual satisfaction” and poor body image. There were a large proportion of women who met criteria for body dysmorphic disorder. [3]

One of the most beautiful artworks to appear in recent years was by artist, Jamie McCartney who made a cast called The Great Wall of Vagina in 2008, see his bio and artwork here, but is shows the incredible diversity of vaginas. There is no “right way” for a vagina to look, just as we all have different eye colours, different nose shapes or heights, our vaginas are different than others and that’s okay and this art piece demonstrates this beautifully.

The vagina is the entrance to a woman sexually but it is also the place where we birth babies (in a traditional sense), after giving birth to my first child, the nurse told me to grab a mirror and have a look. It was the first time I’d seen a vagina and only hours after birth, it was just a gaping hole! I can still see it in my mind today. Since then, I’ve learned to love my vagina in all its original beauty. This card is not about sex. Sex forms a part of this card and activity, but it is a conversation about how we feel about our bodies, or that of our partner.

For some women, letting a man into her vagina, means that he’s getting access to her most private self. Learning to look at our vagina, to touch it, to get to know it helps a woman to access her sensuality and feel appreciated. Whether we like it or not, women have vaginas! Whether you have one or not, it’s important to appreciate what they offer for both men and women.

Further questions to reflect on for this card include:

Do I like looking at my/my partners/a vagina?

What does it represent to me?

Have I/my partner/women in my life experienced vaginal trauma? How has that impacted me/them?

How do I feel when I/my partner gaze at my vagina?

What do I see when I look at my/a vagina?

I encourage you to leave your answers below and we will hold space for you and offer a space of healing. I’d love to hear some thoughts from the LGTBA community here as well.

In love,

Alyssa @Chakra Cards

©Alyssa Curtayne, 2017

 

 

 

[1] http://baaps.org.uk/baapsmedia/docs/160813_daily_mail.pdf
[2] Rogers, Rebecca G, 2014, Most women who undergo labiaplasty have normal anatomy; we should not perform labiaplasty, American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology, Volume 211, Issue 3, September 2014, Pages 218–220, 218.e, University of New Mexico Health Sciences Center, Albuquerque, NM, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ajog.2014.06.020
[3] Veale, D., Eshkevari, E., Ellison, N., Costa, A., Robinson, D., Kavouni, A., & Cardozo, L. (2014). Psychological characteristics and motivation of women seeking labiaplasty. Psychological Medicine, 44(3), 555-566. doi:10.1017/S0033291713001025

 

 

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