Let’s talk about orgasm, yes, you!

pink1 8june17

Pink – Tantra – Fire – Awakening – higher consciousness – divine love – selflessness – deep heart desires

From the Divine Union deck

This deck of cards is specifically designed for couples to use in an intimate setting and asking each other these questions, but it is just as good to explore the possibilities with a wider community, such as a women’s circle.

How do you feel after orgasm? How do you feel after masturbation?

While shuffling this card fluttered to the ground like a feather. Yet, it took me two weeks before I sat down to write this article. There’s something so confronting about orgasm that is so very personal, yet we hide our pleasure from the rest of the world. It’s not socially acceptable to lie on a beach after a party and play with yourself as the sun rises, it’s not socially acceptable to make love in public places and in some parts of the world sex is punishable by whipping, as was the case for two men in Indonesia in May.

Ultimately this question is about how we value our bodies and the pleasure it gives us, but also how we, as a society, are still recovering and dealing with the influence of religions into our bedrooms. Historically speaking, during the European Middle Ages, sex was seen as primarily for procreation and in many ways, we are still recovering from this mindset. There have been times in history when sex has been freely accepted and then suppressed, this has happened multiple times. See this amazing book for an easy read of European sex history which influences Western society today. Many people feel guilt with orgasm and more often masturbation and it comes from these archaic beliefs ingrained in our culture and family stories that sex is for procreation. What is the point of this wonderful human body if it doesn’t allow us self-expression and pleasure? What is the point if we feel guilt in caressing our hands across our own bodies and melt into its infinite pleasure?

According to The Science of Orgasm, “orgasm is an intense, pleasurable response to genital stimulation: penile physical stimulation in males and clitoral or vaginal physical stimulation in females.” [1] The book goes on to highlight that other sensory stimulation can create an orgasmic experience in both genital and non-genital areas, including but not limited to breast, nipples, mouth, anus, ears, lips and through thought, imagery or visualisation. For both men and women, an orgasm can be described as a build-up of tension that is released. For those on a spiritual path, an ecstatic orgasm is a whole body, transcendental experience; spiritual ecstasy which does not require any touch whatsoever.

For men specifically, research shows that there was a decrease of cerebral blood flow during orgasm in all other cortical areas except in right prefrontal cortex, where the cerebral blood flow increased significantly [2] which shows the feedback system for where that release is felt in the brain.

In women orgasm secretes oxytocin into the bloodstream and generates a feeling similar to nursing and childbirth. However, there is no known biological function of orgasm, as opposed to men where the sperm is released. Historically speaking, women’s orgasm and indeed pleasure was suppressed and women who enjoyed sex were seen as being impure or whores or witches.

With the rise of film and pornography, orgasm is seen as the end-goal for sexual experience, however, it need not be. In-fact, you can have a wonderful sexual experience, either alone or partnered (or with others) without having reached orgasm. By making orgasm the peak of the sexual experience, it can diminish intimacy and your connection to yourself or your partner as you miss all those other moments of pleasure along the way.

Whether we like it or not people have sex. People orgasm. And this card, when used with a partner, offers open dialogue to talk about orgasm and masturbation in a way that doesn’t require one or both partners to “fake” it. If we aren’t feeling like our needs are being met, then we need to address it before it becomes a problem between us.

Further questions to reflect on for this card include:

Where do these feelings I have about orgasm/masterbation come from?

Have you always felt the same about orgasm/masturbation or have you changed over time?

Is orgasm just focused genitally?

How important is orgasm to you?

Have you ever experienced an ecstatic orgasm?

Has orgasm been different for you with different partners?

How is orgasm alone and orgasm partnered the same? Different?

I encourage you to leave your answers below and we will hold space for you and offer a space of healing.

In love,

Alyssa @Chakra Cards

©Alyssa Curtayne and Chakra Cards 2017




[1] Komisaruk, Barry R., Carlos Beyer-Flores, and Beverly Whipple. The science of orgasm. JHU Press, 2008.
[2]. Tiihonen, Jari, et al. “Increase in cerebral blood flow of right prefrontal cortex in man during orgasm.” Neuroscience letters 170.2 (1994): 241-243.


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